The beautiful thing about people that like dungeon crawlers is that they're all sickos. Every single one of them! This is not a genre that's for the faint of heart. It is often plodding and methodical and conniving, so focused on stats and character classes that you could drown in the amount of numbers you have to pay attention to. So, how about a dungeon crawler where the battling happens automatically, and all you have to do is a little bit of programming? It's called Dungeon Automata, and trust me, the programming isn't as bad as it sounds.

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There are probably many jokes one could make about mushrooms being edible, and mushrooms being like, edible, man in relation to Shroom and Gloom, a positively mycelial roguelike deckbuilder where you roam spore-filled dungeons with two decks of cards in tow. I won't do that though because that would mean having to think of them, and like Edwin before me, I just don't have it in me. What I do have is the ability to tell you about Shroom and Gloom, which is out in early access today.

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Uh oh. Steam achievement lists for a smorgasbord of unreleased and unannounced PC games appear to have leaked via trophy tracking site Exophase. Atlus RPG Persona 6, RGG brawler Stranger Than Heaven, and Thief: The Dark Project Remastered have all seemingly had their trophies blabbed by the leak, with more imminent releases like Control Resonant, Silent Hill: Townfall, and Ace Combat 8: Wings of Theve also affected.

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I was already aware of Entropy before Edwin called it a game that looked like a PS1 game fished from a toilet, primarily thanks to the stellar work developer Lovely Hellplace carried out in their previous game Dread Delusion, but I'm sure that would have hooked me in conceptually just as easily. And now you can dive into this turn-based, post-apocalyptic RPG yourself, as it's launched into early access.

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It is time to confront the terrible truth that I once took part in a school fashion show. I ran in two categories, Ballroom and Street, a serious test of range for a kid who had only just mastered the daredevil technique of wearing a shirt without a tie. In the Ballroom bracket, I was asked to do a waltz in an Indian wedding gown provided by a local sponsor who, I can only assume, immediately went out of business after the event. In Street, I had to wear a Gap hoodtop and shoot a fire-eater (one of the Cool Teachers) with a Super Soaker, while some other lost soul moonwalked down the runway in a golden suit.

In retrospect, I am filing all this under the secret umbrella category of God's Greatest Mistake. There is exactly no photographic evidence, and I will thank you not to search for any on Facebook. It's so much less upsetting being a fashion model in Dance of Theseus, which might sound weird given that in Dance of Theseus, you don't just swap outfits – you graft on new heads, arms and legs, either bought from sniffy griffon dressmakers or moulded together out of seashells, horned skulls, and scraps of shimmering hide. Created by Shanghai-based Citreat Studio, it's a cheerful, colourful and somehow unrevolting life sim RPG with a kind of Balatro-esque Frankensteinmaxxing element. I've been playing the demo, and it's both entertaining and a source of endless inspiration. Argh, if only I'd had access to this, when I was 16!!!

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