A major part of maintaining productivity is managing others’ expectations around how we spend our time and energy. Fear of criticism, feelings of inadequacy, past challenges with consistency, and problems prioritizing compel people with ADHD to stretch themselves too thin — sometimes at great cost to their mental health and work relationships.

While saying “yes” by default can feel like the correct response, self-care and personal power often come from the lost art of saying “no” — an underutilized but transformative productivity skill. Practice how to politely but firmly decline requests with responses such as:

• “I don’t want to set myself up for failure or set you up for disappointment.”
• “I’m maxed out this week and wouldn’t want to slow you down.”
• “Thank you for the opportunity. I must pass, but please keep me in mind later.”
• “I can’t take this on, but I can recommend someone who might help.”

[Free Resource: Get Control of Your Life and Schedule]

If you’re not sure whether to decline or accept a particular request, recall moments when overloading your plate backfired. Otherwise, circumstances and what is left over at the end of the day will determine what you get done.

Embrace Transparency

You already know that people-pleasing is a flawed coping mechanism that, in many cases, often becomes the quickest route to “people-disappointing.” So, if you need more time on a proposed deadline, for example, ask for a few extra days. Keep your request simple and clear.

Because ADHD interferes with predictability, it’s important to excel at transparency. Say, “You know what? I completely forgot about that, and I’m sorry. Here’s my plan to fix it.” It’s better to “disappoint” early, when there’s still time to develop a Plan B.

What’s Your (Self) Worth?

Consider how ADHD-related challenges have shaped your ideas about productivity, especially if you were diagnosed later in life. How much do you link self-worth to output? How comfortable are you setting boundaries? How much do you sacrifice in the name of productivity? Reflecting on your past experiences will help you abandon toxic practices.

[Webinar Replay: Stop People Pleasing!]

Saying “yes” to what is beyond our capacity can lead to burnout and resentment. At the same time, a history of productivity challenges and unmet expectations can lead us to feel like we don’t have the right to say “no.” But no one can take away our agency. ADHD or not, we are allowed to decide how we use our time and energy — without guilt or shame.

How to Say “No:” Next Steps

• Free Download: The Eisenhower Matrix for Prioritization
• Read: Stop Prioritizing Everyone Else
• Read: Simplify Your ADHD Life by Learning to Say “No”
• Q: “How Can I Stop People-Pleasing Behaviors at Work?”

Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., MBA, is a psychologist and the author of The ADHD Productivity Manual(#CommissionsEarned).

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