Everybody’s a critic — or, at least, it can feel that way when you or your child has ADHD.

Between judgmental family members, clueless acquaintances, and pushy friends, it can feel like a daily bombardment of negative comments for ADHD-fueled behavior that is misunderstood. With emotional dysregulation thrown into the mix, the stage is set for a fiery reaction — which only fuels the cycle.

So, we asked ADDitude readers for their tried-and-true responses to unsolicited advice, unhelpful feedback, and unkind commentary on ADHD symptoms or behaviors. Though they vary widely in tone and approach, each response sets a boundary, serving as a small but powerful moment of advocacy. The next time an ill-informed and opinionated bystander offers a rude remark, try one of these ideas:

[Read: Coping With the Stigma of ADHD]

“To family members, I say: ‘Wow, not sure that was helpful — if you were intending to be.’” — Kristin

“‘My way is the right way for me.’ It took a long time to come to this understanding, but this is what I tell anyone who has an opinion on something I am doing that they think is ‘wrong.’ It’s been life-changing.” — Beth, Colorado

“‘It’s just how his brain works. What enables him to write music so beautifully and easily also makes the everyday stuff hard.’” — LeeAnne, Alabama

“I’m tired of hearing from teachers that my kid just needs to try harder. I’ve started retorting that that’s like asking a sight impaired person to just try harder to see.” — Sarah, Ontario

[Read: Don’t Mistake Your Child’s ADHD Symptoms for Bad Behavior]

“Often teachers will say a mildly positive thing right before a lot of criticism about behavior, (‘He’s a good kid but…’). I respond by emphasizing that positive thing in my response (‘You’re right he is a good kid, even with all his struggles. Thank you for noticing.’” — Casey, Texas

“He’s having a rough day, but he tries his best.” — Coleen, New York  

“I say, ‘I’ve found this works best, but thanks for your concern.’’” — Karen, New York

“When my family gets a bit too pushy, I’ve said: ‘I’ll take that into consideration,’ or ‘His doctor is already aware and not concerned.’” — Jenn, Iowa

“I cite a positive quality my son has, then add that he is learning to manage his challenges. I say nothing else except, ‘I appreciate your understanding.’”  — An ADDitude Reader

“‘Nobody gets to choose their brain types. We have to just focus on taking care of the one God gave us!’” — An ADDitude Reader

How to Handle Criticism: Next Steps

• Learn: Unscolicited Advice for ADHD Families – How to Respond
• Watch: ADHD Kids Are Awesome – Penn & Kim Holderness on Brain Differences
• Read: ADHD Pride – Inspiration from Our Favorite Role Models

ADDITUDE IS HUMAN
Artificial intelligence does not create or edit any written content published by ADDitude. Our editorial team is 100% human, and our mission is simple: listen to and serve our readers with hand-crafted, expert-informed resources. To support ADDitude, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our commitment possible. Thank you.

The core symptoms of ADHD, including impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and common co-occurring disorders like depression and anxiety, contribute to a higher risk of suicide in men with the condition. Treating ADHD with medication has been shown to significantly reduce that risk.

Prevention begins by recognizing the association between suicidality, ADHD, and co-occurring conditions. To understand the scope of this crisis, consider the data: In 2023, according to the most recent statistics, 49,316 suicides were recorded in the U.S.; males accounted for more than two-thirds of those deaths.

In Sweden, a study found that males with ADHD had nearly triple the risk of suicide compared to males without ADHD. A Canadian study found that men with ADHD were about four times more likely to report a suicide attempt than their peers without the condition.

Although co-occurring disorders like depression and anxiety were contributing factors, researchers found a higher risk among people with ADHD even after controlling for these associated conditions. It should be noted that females with ADHD also face an elevated risk of suicide.

[Read: The Hidden Complexities of Men with ADHD]

The Loneliness of Not Belonging

To understand how core symptoms of ADHD contribute to an increased risk for suicide, we can apply the empirically validated “Interpersonal-Psychological Theory of Suicidal Behavior.”

This framework posits that suicidal ideation can result from a lack of caring, reciprocal relationships, and/or feelings of deep loneliness, even when someone is in a relationship. The capability for suicide, according to this theory, stems from those factors combined with an “acquired ability to enact lethal self-injury.”

Multiple factors can contribute to the feeling among boys and men with ADHD that they don’t belong:

• The negative impact of untreated symptoms on their social and personal relationships
• A higher risk of being bullied
• An increased prevalence of depression
• A higher risk of learning disabilities that, along with ADHD, can lead to feeling like the academic environment was not designed for their learning needs.

[Read: For Men With ADHD — and Those Who Love Them]

A sense of burdensomeness can, unfortunately, be normative for those with ADHD, as executive functioning challenges lead to feelings of inferiority, helplessness, and exhaustion. Asking for support can be difficult for males, as societal messages equate needing help with a diminished sense of masculinity. Boys and men with ADHD often require scaffolding, but asking for such support leave them feeling like unsuccessful, dependent burdens on others — a vicious cycle.

Lastly, an acquired ability to enact lethal self-injury stems from a diminished fear of death and an increased pain tolerance, which is learned through repeated exposure to painful or fear-provoking experiences. These behaviors overcome self-preservation and enable suicidal behavior, distinguishing suicidal thoughts from actions. These factors chillingly shed light on why ADHD is associated with this dark risk, including higher rates of physical and sexual trauma, higher risk of childhood accidents and injuries, attraction to adrenaline-fueled dangerous activities, higher risk of substance use, and other self-harm behaviors.

ADHD Medication Lowers Risk

Treating ADHD effectively is associated with a significant reduction in suicide risk for men with ADHD. A 2019 study of more than 2 million males with ADHD found a 30% to 40% decreased risk of suicide attempts during months they were on stimulant medication compared with months they were not.

Also compelling is a study of almost 85,000 Taiwanese youth, who were followed by researchers over a 16-year period. Even after adjusting for confounding disorders, 90 to 180 days of methylphenidate treatment was associated with a 59% risk reduction for suicide attempts, and 180 days or more of treatment was associated with a 72% risk reduction.

All of this points to the seriousness of untreated ADHD and its implications: Proper diagnosis and treatment save lives. In addition, societal pressures to “man-up” leave many boys and men feeling that they lose status by asking for help or availing themselves of treatment, even when they are diagnosed. That needs to change. Not getting the support they need costs many males something far greater than their status.

ADHD and Suicide in Men with ADHD: Next Steps

• Read: ADHD, Anger, and the Burden of Misperception
• Watch: “Men with ADHD: Solutions for Emotional Dysregulation, Anger, and Shame”
• Read: Testosterone and ADHD in Men: Is There a Link?
• Read: On Finding a Healthier Way to Be a Man

Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and clinical instructor of psychology at Harvard Medical School. He is the co-author of The Adonis Complex: The Secret Crisis of Male Body Obsession.

ADDITUDE IS HUMAN
Artificial intelligence does not create or edit any written content published by ADDitude. Our editorial team is 100% human, and our mission is simple: listen to and serve our readers with hand-crafted, expert-informed resources. To support ADDitude, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our commitment possible. Thank you.

Raise your hand if you’ve heard this one before: Girl is diagnosed with anxiety. Girl hones coping mechanisms as she ages, overcompensating and masking all the way into womanhood. Woman’s child is diagnosed with ADHD. The wheels come off. Woman learns that she’s had ADHD all along.

This woman could be you, and now, it’s also Kim Holderness.

Co-author with her husband, Penn, of ADHD Is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving with ADHD, All You Can Be with ADHD, and the forthcoming Get It Done & Have Fun! ADHD Hacks for Awesome Kids (#CommissionsEarned), Kim is an accomplished content creator, an Amazing Race winner, and an outspoken advocate. She knows a lot about ADHD, and yet her own diagnosis late last year came as a shock.

[Get This Free Download for Women and Girls: Is It ADHD?]

“I overprepare for things to avoid making mistakes. I experience physical pain even when given neutral feedback. There are so many things that I don’t start because I worry that I will fail,” Kim said in a YouTube video announcing her diagnosis. “I was told very early that it was anxiety, and I’m sure a lot of women hear that.”

Research shows that Kim is spot on. ADHD in girls and women is sometimes missed because:

• ADHD in girls is often dreamy, not disruptive. ¹
• A sharp mind and good grades keep girls off the diagnostic radar. ¹
• Anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder tend to overpower impulsivity or shaky executive function.¹
• Perfectionism is a coping mechanism.²
• Perimenopause looks and feels a lot like ADHD, making it tough to parse.³

“If you look at the symptoms of perimenopause and ADHD, the Venn Diagram is a circle,” Kim said. “For women with ADHD, perimenopause is gas on the fire. Maybe this is why my perimenopause journey has felt so extreme – because I was coping, I was masking, I was making it all work with 20 different lists in 20 different places; then the hormones left, and I was all alone.”

[Symptom Test: Common Signs of ADHD in Girls]

Today, Kim is surrounded by community. In the two weeks following her announcement, more than 600 people commented on YouTube to share their stories, their support, and their book ideas.

“Thank you for your courage and vulnerability,” wrote one YouTube follower. “Your experience sure resonates with me… you are a blessing to so many people.”

To view the full conversation, visit additu.de/kim

Kim Holderness & More Voices of Late ADHD Diagnosis: Next Steps

• Download: Free Guide to Hormones & ADHD in Women
• Read: Holderness Family Values — 9 ADHD Truths (with a Side of Laughter)
• Read: “From Self-Loathing to Self-Discovery: How a Late Diagnosis Changed My Life”
• Read: “What It Feels Like Living with Undiagnosed ADHD”

ADDITUDE IS HUMAN
Artificial intelligence does not write or edit any content published by ADDitude. Our team is 100% human, and our mission is simple: listen to and serve our readers with hand-crafted, expert-informed resources. To support ADDitude, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our commitment possible. Thank you.

Sources

¹Hinshaw, S.P., Nguyen, P.T., O’Grady, S.M., & Rosenthal, E.A. (2022). Annual Research Review: Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in girls and women: underrepresentation, longitudinal processes, and key directions. Journal of child psychology and psychiatry, and allied disciplines, 63(4), 484–496. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13480

²Young, S.et al (2020). Females with ADHD: An expert consensus statement taking a lifespan approach providing guidance for the identification and treatment of attention-deficit/ hyperactivity disorder in girls and women. BMC Psychiatry, 20(1), 404. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-02707-9

³Kooij, J.J.S., de Jong, M., Agnew-Blais, J., Amoretti, S., Bang Madsen, K., Barclay, I., Bölte, S., Borg Skoglund, C., Broughton, T., et al. (2025). Research advances and future directions in female ADHD: the lifelong interplay of hormonal fluctuations with mood, cognition, and disease. Frontiers in Global Women’s Health. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/global-womens-health/articles/10.3389/fgwh.2025.1613628