If you’ve ever lost it in a meeting, or avoided your manager after an unfiltered emotional reaction, what you’ve experiences isn’t personal weakness. It’s your brain doing exactly what ADHD brains do under stress.
Whether you’re anticipating or recovering from a difficult situation at work, use the SPACE model to stay calm, regulate your emotions, and recover professionally. Remember that controlling emotions isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about developing more skill in being who you already are.
S: Spot Your Patterns
Get ahead of the problem by recognizing triggers, such as:
- Performance reviews
- Activities with high-stakes visibility
- Unclear expectations
- Deadlines
- Increased workload
Think about your last three emotional workplace incidents to identify your personal triggers.
[Watch: How ADHD Amplifies Emotions]
Signs of activation:
- Increased blinking
- Voice pitch change
- Posture shifts
- Muscle tension, fidgeting, pen-clicking
- Shallow breathing
- Feeling hotter or colder
- Elevated heart rate
- Irritability, defensiveness, and black-and-white thinking
- Stomach tightness, nausea
- Feeling an impulse to escape or hide
- Difficulty tracking conversations
[Read: How to Keep Emotional Distress from Snowballing]
P: Pause the Escalation
All you need is 90 seconds to let a feeling pass and avoid further activation. Try these tactics to buy yourself time:
- Bring a pen and paper to meetings. Writing gives you something to do and slows down the brain.
- Take sips of water; swallowing taps the parasympathetic nervous system, signaling the body to calm down.
- Roll your shoulders, adjust your posture, and press your feet to the floor.
- Count backward from 100 by 5s.
- Squeeze your hands together under the table.
- Try box breathing – inhale, hold, exhale, hold again, for 4 counts each.
- Describe the meeting room in your head (note colors, shapes, temperature, etc.).
- Use strategic fillers:
- “That’s a great question. Let me think about that for a moment.”
- “Would it be helpful if I put some thoughts in writing?”
A: Act in the Moment
When you’re activated and need to do something NOW:
- Treat yourself kindly. Instead of, “I’m so stupid; this always happens,” say, “I need a moment to collect my thoughts.”
- Normalize tears. Say, “I’m getting emotional because this matters.” Breathe through your nose and keep talking to reduce tears.
- Lower your voice and speak slowly and deliberately.
- Uncross your arms and unclench your hands.
- Focus on facts. Say, “What I’m hearing is…”
- Maintain eye contact to steady your focus, but don’t force it.
- Pause and revisit:
- “I’m going to grab some water and be right back.”
- “Can we come back to this in 15 minutes? I’ll be more productive after a quick reset.”
- “Thank you for your patience. I am ready to continue now.”
C: Clear the Air
Perform damage control within 24 hours. Begin by considering the following:
- Have you recovered enough to begin addressing the incident?
- What’s the minimum viable response?
- Avoid over-apologizing. Say: “I didn’t handle that as well as I would have liked. I take responsibility for my behavior. Here’s how I plan to address future situations.”
Consider these steps if you have formally disclosed your ADHD diagnosis.
- Talk to your manager if the incident affected team dynamics or if your professional development is at stake.
- Focus on solutions, not limitations. You might say, “I have ADHD and sometimes need accommodations around ___. This is what works for me…”
- Request specific supports with timelines:
- “Could I receive meeting agendas 24 hours in advance so I can prepare?”
- “Could we meet weekly to discuss workload concerns before they escalate?”
E: Evolve
- Revisit your morning routine to find new ways to reduce stress before work.
- Implement transition rituals (e.g., At 12 p.m., I will step away from my desk for lunch. Before returning to work, I will take three deep breaths).
- Schedule decompression time after meetings or other triggering activities.
- Understand your sensory triggers and modify your environment (e.g., noise levels, lighting, room temperature, smells).
- Script responses to predictable tough questions. Role play difficult conversations with trust people.
- Remember that preparation is not a sign of weakness; it’s a strategy.
- Continue to identify tools for your emotional regulation kit – box breathing, self-talk, etc. Practice these skills even in the absence of stress. Seek therapy for additional help in building coping skills.
- Let time and changed behavior speak for you. Continue to gather evidence that you can handle such situations differently.
How to Control Your Emotions at Work: Next Steps
Diann Wingert is a licensed psychotherapist-turned-business-coach for neurodivergent entrepreneurs.
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