Q: “My 14-year-old daughter’s time management is awful. I’ve provided watches, timers, calendars, planners, and alarms, but she still doesn’t wake up for school on her own. She forgets about homework, or she takes an insanely long time to do it. What should I do?”

Executive function skills, like time management, develop unpredictably in kids who have ADHD. Your daughter may be 14, but her time-management skills are probably more like those of an 11-year-old. To gauge her skill level, ask: What is her experience of time? How does she feel time? How does she regulate herself around time?

You’re offering great tools, but they’re not sticking. What is it about these tools that doesn’t resonate with your daughter?

[Webinar replay: “Beat The Clock: Time Estimation and Management Help for Students with ADHD” ]

The ADHD brain often resists waking up in the morning, and that has to do with issues related to norepinephrine and, sometimes, sleep disorders. It’s just remarkably hard to get up and out of bed.

If she has an alarm next to her, and an alarm across the room, and she is still in bed snoozing, it’s time to step in and say, “Okay, let’s work on this together.”

Effective time management requires seeing the time horizon and accurately answering the question, “How long is this actually going to take?” If something is not due immediately, and there isn’t pressure, the ADHD brain tends to think: “That is so far away. I don’t need to take care of that now.” This leads to procrastination, and then last-minute rushing.

I would want to know: Is there an area where your daughter manages time successfully? Is she slow to get up, but knows how long it takes to walk to a friend’s house? What are the conditions contributing to that, and how can you apply those to other areas of life?

[Self-Test: Could You Have an Executive Function Deficit?]

Faulty or inconsistent time management may lead to shame and wondering: Why can other people do this and I can’t? It’s important to remember that, if your daughter could do better, she would. She just doesn’t know how to — yet.

Keep offering her supports because they will stick with repetition, experience, and development. Be patient and consistent as you collaborate with her on improving one aspect of this struggle at a time — together.

How to Wake Yourself Up: Next Steps

• Download: Free Sample Schedules for Reliable Routines
• Read: Sleep Problems in Teens with ADHD: Causes and Solutions
• Read: When Time Turns Upside Down: How to Teach Kids Time Management
• Q: My Tween Fights Waking Up Every Single Morning

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist and author of What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life (#CommissionsEarned).

ADDITUDE IS HUMAN
Artificial intelligence does not create or edit any written content published by ADDitude. Our editorial team is 100% human, and our mission is simple: listen to and serve our readers with hand-crafted, expert-informed resources. To support ADDitude, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our commitment possible. Thank you.

A major part of maintaining productivity is managing others’ expectations around how we spend our time and energy. Fear of criticism, feelings of inadequacy, past challenges with consistency, and problems prioritizing compel people with ADHD to stretch themselves too thin — sometimes at great cost to their mental health and work relationships.

While saying “yes” by default can feel like the correct response, self-care and personal power often come from the lost art of saying “no” — an underutilized but transformative productivity skill. Practice how to politely but firmly decline requests with responses such as:

• “I don’t want to set myself up for failure or set you up for disappointment.”
• “I’m maxed out this week and wouldn’t want to slow you down.”
• “Thank you for the opportunity. I must pass, but please keep me in mind later.”
• “I can’t take this on, but I can recommend someone who might help.”

[Free Resource: Get Control of Your Life and Schedule]

If you’re not sure whether to decline or accept a particular request, recall moments when overloading your plate backfired. Otherwise, circumstances and what is left over at the end of the day will determine what you get done.

Embrace Transparency

You already know that people-pleasing is a flawed coping mechanism that, in many cases, often becomes the quickest route to “people-disappointing.” So, if you need more time on a proposed deadline, for example, ask for a few extra days. Keep your request simple and clear.

Because ADHD interferes with predictability, it’s important to excel at transparency. Say, “You know what? I completely forgot about that, and I’m sorry. Here’s my plan to fix it.” It’s better to “disappoint” early, when there’s still time to develop a Plan B.

What’s Your (Self) Worth?

Consider how ADHD-related challenges have shaped your ideas about productivity, especially if you were diagnosed later in life. How much do you link self-worth to output? How comfortable are you setting boundaries? How much do you sacrifice in the name of productivity? Reflecting on your past experiences will help you abandon toxic practices.

[Webinar Replay: Stop People Pleasing!]

Saying “yes” to what is beyond our capacity can lead to burnout and resentment. At the same time, a history of productivity challenges and unmet expectations can lead us to feel like we don’t have the right to say “no.” But no one can take away our agency. ADHD or not, we are allowed to decide how we use our time and energy — without guilt or shame.

How to Say “No:” Next Steps

• Free Download: The Eisenhower Matrix for Prioritization
• Read: Stop Prioritizing Everyone Else
• Read: Simplify Your ADHD Life by Learning to Say “No”
• Q: “How Can I Stop People-Pleasing Behaviors at Work?”

Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., MBA, is a psychologist and the author of The ADHD Productivity Manual(#CommissionsEarned).

ADDITUDE IS HUMAN
Artificial intelligence does not create or edit any written content published by ADDitude. Our editorial team is 100% human, and our mission is simple: listen to and serve our readers with hand-crafted, expert-informed resources. To support ADDitude, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our commitment possible. Thank you.